Perchance to Dream

So very sleepy … and busy.

And fantasizing.

That annual fantasy about having the entire months of November and December off.  Mmmmm.  Wouldn’t that make for a lovely holiday season?

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Perspective

The following is an email I received from Vanessa a few years ago.  It’s a moldy oldie, and probably everyone on the planet with an email account has seen it, but nevertheless I like to dust it off and reread it every now and again, particularly at this time of the year.

I am thankfulFor the wife who says it’s hot dogs tonight, because she is home with me, not with someone else.

For the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because he is home with me and not out at the bars.

For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because it means she is at home, not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means we have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church who sings off key, because it means that I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Chick Deney

So, Dick Cheney, in a defensive move, has resorted to calling the entire Democratic party a bunch of crack-smoking wombats (or whatever – it’s not an exact quote) and said, with regard to the (non)existence of banned weapons in Iraq, that the burden of proof was never on the U.S.

So we had every right to go in there and bomb the shit out of everything in sight?  And if the Democrats want to whine about it, we can just call them names?

Huh? (squints and scratches head)

Cannot.  Process.  Data.

I’ve said before that GB2 is frighteningly stupid, but Cheney is frighteningly … frightening.

And you know what happens if someone takes a shot at GB2 or if he just plain croaks all on his own, don’t you?  President Dick. (shudder)

The mind wanders.  Has there ever been a vice presidential assassination?  I wonder which of his good ol’ boys (or gals) GB2 would nominate to be his new VP?

You didn’t know I could be political, did you?

Borge Gush.  heh-heh.  Funny.

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Bowl-Off 2005 Results

And the winner is…

Steve!

By 23 pins, following nine strings of bowling (three each of tenpin, duckpin, and candlepin).  I fought the good fight, though, holding on to the cumulative lead until the final game.

We started the marathon with tenpin, which I have done only once before, earlier this year, and which Steve has done a few times but not recently.  My luck was better than Steve’s, and after three strings, I was ahead by a total of 36 pins.

Steve:  98-97-128 (323)
Me:  104-119-136 (359)

These are the actual scores.  (Yes, Steve, I took our score sheet.)

Now, at this point, I theorized that if duckpinner me and candlepinner Steve were to cancel each other out, it would come down to our tenpin scores, and, well, I would be the victor.  Yet I knew better.

We then moved on to duckpin, where I hoped to expand my lead.  Well, I did expand my lead, but only by 2.  That’s right, two.  Novice duckpinner Steve did a damn fine job.  He danced around my current league average of 104 and beat me by 10 in the third string.  Beat me at my own game!  A rookie!  All in all, Steve posted some very impressive scores for a first-timer.  In fact, I think he might have been lying about never having bowled duckpin before.  Heh.

As you can see, I failed to make my average in two of the games:

Steve:  93-102-106 (301)
Me:  95-112-96 (303)

The safari continued across the border to Candlepin Country (Massachusetts) for the frustration that is candlepin bowling.  Steve seemed a tad uneasy about my 38-pin lead (and my mention of a hankering for a lobster dinner), but I had a feeling my lead would be toast by the end of the first string.

Candlepin, for those not in the know, is roughly the equivalent of rolling a ball that feels more like a tennis ball than a bowling ball at some Pantene shampoo bottles spaced about what must be a foot apart.  Or at least it felt that way.  Good freakin’ luck.

I’m not sure how it happened other than pure beginner’s luck, but I got a spare in my first box.  I turned to see Steve’s reaction, and he was already changing out of his bowling shoes.  No, not really, but he did have a look of, um, doom.

Alas, I managed only one more spare at candlepin.  Towards the end of the second game, when it looked like I would hit 90 and Steve told me how impressive that would be for a novice, I faltered and wound up with an 89.  Jinx.

Steve, amid proclamations of what a great warm-up duckpin was for candlepin, kicked my ass by 61 pins.  Minus my prior lead of 38, leaves Steve the winner by 23.

Steve:  95-103-104 (302)
Me:  74-89-78 (241)

Total Pinfall:
Steve – 926
Me – 903

And sweetie-pie Steve was such a good sport that he wouldn’t get the steak, or prime rib, or filet mignon, or whatever it was that he really wanted for dinner despite my insistence that he had earned the victory dinner of his choice.

It was definitely fun, although I doubt I will be able to live down the duckpin debacle.  I look forward to a rematch.

In the meantime, I think Steve will be getting in some more duckpin practice.  How, if he’s two hours away from said ducks?  Well, because he took to it like a … oh, you know, and I suspect he just might try to get some financing and build and open his own duckpin alley in Massachusetts, encouraging his fellow candlepinners to see the light.

Anyway, congratulations, Steve, and thanks for a fun day!

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Pointless Survey Question of the Week

and other miscellany…

How many counties have you resided in?

Three:  one in Massachusetts and two in Rhode Island (one on either side of the Bay).

Your turn.

(Also accepting pointless survey questions for future posts)

The Friday Five is back (who knew?), so I may be partaking in some in the future.

Happy Weekend!  (Today’s date is 1111.)

Wish me luck in my bowl-off with Steve!

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Reading Comprehension 101 for Attorneys

Email to coworker attorney from other (out of state) office (paraphrased):

Following last week’s meeting/paper flurry in your office, we mistakenly wound up with some of your documents.  Please let me know in what manner you would like your stuff returned to you (FedEx, pdf file).  Thanks bunches.  XOXO, Autumn

Reply email from attorney (verbatim):

Please return them to my secretary.  Thanks

Hello-ooo?  Anyone home?  Anybody awake in there?

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