Haiku

The green grasshopper
Alarmed by the lawnmower
Hop!  Hop to safety!

(composed while mowing the lawn, 8.27.06)

Stuck in my head:  That annoying Old Navy (or Gap?) jingle about getting “your fash-on.”

Comments:

Cap-Happy

One of Sandy’s administrative duties here is to email to the office a “daily bulletin” – who’s out, what meetings are taking place, birthdays, blah-bitty-blah-blah.  At the top of each bulletin she pastes a photo, usually a nature scene, some lovely animal(s), the Red Sox winning the World Series, or some other cheery image.

Imagine my delight yesterday when I opened the bulletin and was greeted by this:

A capybara!  Yea for capybaras!

Oh, god.  She’s completely lost it.

I LOVE cappies.

Mmm-hmm.

Sandy didn’t get it either.  She had never heard of capybaras and upon learning that they are the largest living rodent, was immediately put off.

But come on, they’re cute!  Like ginormous guinea pigs!

I proceeded to tell Sandy the story of how Olivia and I have shared a lifelong affection for cappies.  It all started in second grade with this book, written and illustrated by Bill Peet and first published around 1966:

I don’t know if anyone else at GRM Elementary School had a chance to read Capyboppy that year because between Olivia and me, I think it was always checked out.

Our love affair with the large rodent continued.  Some years ago, when I told Olivia there was a capybara at the local zoo, she demanded photos.  Of course, that wasn’t good enough.  On her next visit to Rhode Island, we want to the zoo so she could meet the cappy in person.

Every once in a while, we will email the other a capybara picture.  No hello, no message, just a picture of a cappy, out of the blue.

A couple of birthdays ago, Olivia gave me a beautiful pewter sunflowers frame.  Before wrapping it, she inserted a picture:

 

by Will Bullas, creator of some punny animal art

Last Christmas, I came up with a “why didn’t I think of it sooner?” gift for Olivia.  I bought her a copy of Capyboppy.  She was delighted.

Needless to say, someone outside the firm received a portion of yesterday’s e-bulletin.

Stuck in my head:  “Parabola” – Tool

P.S.  On the subject of non-native animals, is anyone out there watching “Meerkat Manor?”

Comments:

Memes in Hell

A long weekend with a vacation day tacked on for four lovely days off.  Gorgeous weather, some time spent at the beach, and one rainy morning to get the mundane, housework-y stuff done.

In contrast, a meme swiped from GoingLoopy:

MY OWN PERSONAL HELL

Drinks in my Hell:
Gin
Prune juice
Sour milk

Food in my Hell:
Melons (any kind, including watermelon)
Bockwurst (NASTY!)
Liver
Coffee yogurt
Turnip
The following vegetables, if cooked: broccoli, summer squash, cabbage, bell peppers

Occupations in my Hell:
Waitress
Orderly
Nursing assistant
Gynecologist at free clinic
Stripper
Prostitute
Porn star
Cleaning public restrooms
Cleaning zoo cages or barns

Music mixes in my Hell:
Disco
Hillbilly Hit Parade
Polkas
Kiddie songs

President in my Hell:
The chick who used to work here but left to become a Mary Kay lady

Only author in my Hell:
The guy who wrote The Bridges of Madison County

Husbands in my Hell:
O. J. Simpson
Richard Hatch
Ted Kaczynski a/k/a the Unabomber
Carrot Top
Gilbert Gottfried
Scott Stapp
Vincent A. “Buddy” Cianci (Providence’s former mayor who is now behind bars)
Osama Bin Laden

Only activities allowed in my Hell:
Vacuuming cat hair from sofas
Swimming with sharks
Answering phone calls from telemarketers
Having blood drawn
Getting enemas

Good times, yeah.

Stuck in my head:  “Heartbreaker” – Pat Benatar (though I’m not a fan)

 Comments:

Don’t Try This at Home

Maybe you’ve already seen this.  Maybe you haven’t.

I suppose the only thing better than red pants is white boots.  Or extra long sideburns on a bald head.

I sent it to Suzanne, who responded with this little anecdote involving her husband:

That was awesome!  I am forwarding this to Billy.  The other day he completely embarrassed me when I brought him as a guest to my gym.  We were running on the treadmills and Julia came over to talk to us.  We were all chatting, and Billy and I were running until Mister “I can’t run and talk at the same time” stepped on the edge of the treadmill and fell off!  He almost killed himself.  I of course never stopped running but told him to push the big red button to stop the machine.  He could NEVER have done this video!

Presumably, Billy was not injured, aside from whatever pain Suzanne might have inflicted upon him for embarrassing her on her turf.  Men.

Happy Weekend! (Happy 3-Day Weekend if in RI!)

Stuck in my head:  “Steady As She Goes” – The Raconteurs

Comments:

Weekend Wrap-Up

A nice, calm weekend.

Friday night was a trip to MalWart.  Some of the most minor of home improvements can be the most rewarding.  I purchased a new ironing board cover for a mere 94¢ and three ice cube trays at $1.49 per.  Both purchases were long overdue.

Now I am enjoying big solid cubes of ice from uncracked trays that don’t leak and make little ice rivers all over the freezer.  I am also enjoying ironing on a board that doesn’t have an ugly 1970s paisley butterflies motif cover with an elasticized border that has aged and crumbled, sometimes leaving small bits of rubber crumbles atop the board to be run over by an unsuspecting ironer who is subsequently annoyed by the melted rubber stuck to her iron.  Drawstrings rule.

Yes, I’m living like a queen now, what with the good ice and fancy i’nin’ board and all.

* * * * *

Saturday night was Poker with the Girls (Jeannie, Leah, Lauren).  Lauren and I decided to make it a belated birthday (Jeannie) and get well (Leah) celebration.  I bought a small chocolate cake (too hot to turn on the oven!) and managed to fit “Happy Birthday Jeannie ~ Get Well Leah” on it.  (I like playing with icing and decorator tips; someday I’ll take that cake decorating class.)

Leah Update:  Leah was discharged from the hospital the day after she was readmitted.  Her condition improved on its own, so she wasn’t given antibiotics.  That same day, the recipient (ex’s brother, J) was readmitted.  Leah’s donated kidney was doing only part of its job – something about potassium levels being off.  J came home a couple of days later and is doing fine.  Leah is joking that she must have donated her coffee gene, too.  Since the surgery, Leah, who drinks a couple of those mega sized coffees (the ones that hold, like, a pot each) every day, hasn’t had a taste for coffee.  On the other hand, J, who previously drank coffee once in a while, is now drinking it daily and proclaiming how GREAT it tastes.  I think, in time, Leah will regain her appetite for coffee.  After Mom’s ordeal last year, it was a month or more before she had a taste for tea, and she’s usually good for six or seven cups a day.

America’s Funniest Home Videos Moment:  Jeannie got up to close the blinds behind her.  She pulled the cord, and the blinds fell out of the window and crashed to the floor.  Lauren, Leah, and I couldn’t help but laugh our heads off as Jeannie stood there, still holding the cord, with an “oh, fuck” look on her face.

And why was she closing the blinds in the first place?  Because once upon a time, some nosy neighbor of hers called the cops on us.  Yeah, someone called the cops to come break up the big gambling ring.  Needless to say, when the officer showed up and saw four women playing cards at a table strewn with nickels, no drugs, not even any alcohol, no action was taken.

SO THERE, YA BIG NOSY NOSEBAG.

I even managed to come home a winner, a rarity indeed.  I’m usually the one who gets cleaned out, but Saturday I left a whooping $7.80 richer.  In nickels.

* * * * *

Yesterday I went to Mom’s house.  Clearly, she is the source of my warped-ness.  She’s funny even when she’s not trying:

Mom, quoted:  “What’s going on with Tom Cruise?  Is he supposed to be gay now?”

Also, Mom is one of those people who likes to sing.  Instead of “whistle while you work,” Mom sings.  She has a habit, too, of changing the words to make it p/funny.  Yesterday’s was a doozy:  “Oy Vey, Maria.”

Available for hire for all your Catholic-Jewish weddings and event planning needs.

* * * * *

And, for my sleepy, ditsy Monday morning:

I remembered to bring a bagel for lunch but forgot the cream cheese.

I brought my sunglasses but not my umbrella and got caught downtown in a morning rain shower.

I took a second to spritz on some gardenia cologne, but I forgot to brush my teeth. (Luckily, I have a toothbrush and toothpaste at work.)

Still feeling good about the ice cubes and ironing board, though.

Stuck in my head:  “Jambi” – Tool

Comments:

Pointless Survey Question of the Week

Battle of the Blondes:  Who is trashier – Britney Spears or Pamela Anderson?

I need to get out the antimicrobial soap just thinking about it.  And to think, these trailer park skanks have more money than I’ll ever know.

Cast your vote, if you please.

(accepting pointless survey questions for future posts)

Comments: