Snowbabies

INSERT LOUD SCREAM HERE – AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!

It’s just snow, people.

I get more and more frustrated each year.  Are my coworkers getting worse, or am I just getting older and crankier?

There’s Linda, who starts sending weather report emails to the entire office THE DAY BEFORE.

There’s Lisa, who sends emails to the entire office informing us that such-and-such firm is closing at 2:00, Blue Cross is closing at noon, her husband’s employer is already closed, and her friend’s boss is letting her go now.  This, after spending all morning phoning/emailing everyone to get the latest.  So childish.  “Suzy Martin gets to go home now, and Billy Jacobs is leaving in a half hour, and …”

There’s Annie, grumbling about how the Boston office gets to close at 1:00.  Duh, they’re an hour north.  It could be an entirely different weather situation there.  Additionally, many commute to that office by train, and that could be a factor in deciding to close early.

There’s Mary the Pest, who, of course, ticks me off like no other.  I actually used to empathize with her.  She takes off at the sight of the first snowflake (assuming she bothers to come in at all if there’s the mere threat of snow).  I empathized because I know she got (sort of) stuck in the ’78 Blizzard.  I understood her “I don’t drive in snow” credo.  HOWEVER, after that time a couple of years ago when she bailed before the snow was even sticking to the ground and mentioned, “Oh, good, now I can do some Christmas shopping,” all sympathy was lost.  What happened to “I don’t drive in the snow”?  Fucking hypocrite.  Call it like it is.  “I don’t drive to work in the snow.”

She even came in one time on a scheduled day off to attend our lame-ass office party IN THE SNOW.  And when she arrived and learned that the party had been rescheduled due to the weather, she was PISSED.  (“Someone should have called me.  I came in for nothing.”  Is that really a smart thing to walk around the office repeating to everyone?)  And I kind of smirked about it.  Damn fool.  So, you drive to malls and parties (and probably restaurants and bars) in the snow, but not to work.  That’s an awful lot of provisos, Pesty.

The first snow is always the worst.  My coworkers become a roving gang of Nervous Nellies, phoning and convening to discuss how bad the driving conditions are.  They phone their friends and relatives in various towns to obtain regional pinpoint weather conditions.  “So-and-so in North Kingstown says it’s whiteout conditions.”  Big freakin’ deal.  You live in Attleboro – total opposite direction.  What the fuck do you care about driving conditions in North Kingstown if you’re not headed in that direction?

I stay out of it, but unfortunately it is difficult to ignore.  So I just silently seethe.

“Karma, aren’t you leaving soon?” from frantic Linda, who gets a ride from her boyfriend in his gigantic all-wheel drive truck.  (I drive a punchbuggy.)

“No, the snow doesn’t bother me – not as much as these Nervous Nellies do.”  I couldn’t help myself.  I doubt she got it, anyway.

It’s just snow, people.

It’s not as if my coworkers all just got their licenses last year.  They are over 30 years old.  Most are over 40.  It’s not as if they all just relocated from Florida or Mexico or the equator.  They’ve lived in this area all their lives.  They should know how to drive in snow by now.

I would also like to point out that ditching work and hitting the roads at the beginning of a snowstorm isn’t necessarily the smartest approach.  The roads have not yet been sanded, and you will be driving with all the other white-knuckled, Nervous Nellie drivers who are too quick to hit the brakes; look only straight ahead, never to the sides, in utter fear; and most certainly would not know how to drive out of a skid.

And now, after typing all this, most of the Nellies have left.  Assuming the rest will trickle out throughout the afternoon, I will do likewise.  It will be nice to drive home before it gets dark.  And the roads will be sanded by then.  I heart my little front-wheel drive.

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